I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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