I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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