I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
