I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Oh god it's open bar.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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