dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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