I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
