Barsexuality is the new black.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
