I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize