i jhust puked up my retainher.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
