I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize