I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
