those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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