Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
