I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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