I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
