nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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