New invention idea: vibrating tampons
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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