Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
