my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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