I hate your face
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
