she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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