I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
