Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
