We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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