Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
