I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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