did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
