Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Randomize
