Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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