how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
