I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
