On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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