Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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