Three words: puerto rican gang bang
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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