i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
