We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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