why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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