i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
