I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
