Your face is a jimmy john
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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