i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize