new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
