Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize