It's like God shit irony all over that family
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
