Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
