And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
