i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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