We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize