Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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