Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
