ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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