i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
