I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I understand Curling. That high.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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