Hey man sorry I got all grabby
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
this beer tastes like vomit already
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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