Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize