My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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