yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
