Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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