Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
