You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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