I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
