The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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