were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
this will be a night to untag.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
