Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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